My National Express Coach. Yesterday

Dear God,

I am very very sorry for my earlier rant at foreign students on buses, published elsewhere on this blog. I never expected you to read it, but realise that you must have done, because you punished me by forcing me to sit on a National Express coach from London to Bournemouth yesterday with APPROXIMATELY FIFTY OF THE NOISY CUNTS.

I was particularly happy at the french TWAT sat next to me playing his PSfuckingP all the way through the journey, involving a game where a siren could be heard constantly. Not too bad through headphones, but no - the little surrender monkey had the volume fucking blaring out.

The obligatory 'got together on our foreign school trip couple' were sat in front of me too, copping off sloppily for the entire journey. Not so bad if they weren't such terrible kissers - I thought the first three rows of seats on the coach would have to be painted blue as occupants might get wet. It must have been like french kissing a washing machine.

Some were russian, and one of them had bought a digital camera, and spent the whole journey photographing his mates, then showing them the phtograph. In Russia, this is the funniest thing a person can to, apart from setting fire to a bear. My, how they laughed.

Everywhere I turned, there was something causing the anger within me to seethe. I was well chuffed with the fact that one twat spent 80% of the journey on the stairs to the toilet, chatting up some absolute hound who had clearly sat as far away from him as possible - get the fricking hint, fella. His precarious position meant that he slammed into the back of my seat with every turn and change of speed, which was a really welcome experience. The only highlight came when we took a bend a bit quick for him, and he fell backwards down the stairs with a squeal, accidentally slamming the panic button in the bog so the coach driver had to stop. Even this delicious moment was spoiled for me by the cackling of his international chums though.

Anyway, God, I promise to be more understanding of inbred foreign cunts with no idea of how to behave in a socially acceptable fashion from now on.

Oh wait, no I won't. You bearded cunt.