The Angry Man - LIVE

Sorry for lack of updates. Busy and shit, innit.

Anyhow, when I was in my prime and replying to lots of emails, I also got a few mails of the 'add me to your msn and we can chat sometime' ilk. I duly did, but no-one ever popped up on my MSN - until today. A young lady (yeah right) by the name of Carapachi. It had been so long since I added him/her/it/them that I could not remember the scam, but it followed the usual rules, building up to me providing my credit card details...

I proceeded to chat with the usual angry man bullshit answers, fully expecting to be cut off after a matter of seconds. To my amazement, with the self awareness of an MPs expenses accountant, the dumb fuckers just kept on trucking. My personal highlight is the song recital - the extra typos suggest that they weren't even cutting and pasting, but actually typing it out. I like to imagine that they were singing along too, but they can't be that naive -can they??

Anyhow, full conversation below - not too clever with formatting so I am in bold and she isn't - hope that the conversation is easy enough for you all to follow but if not stick something in the comments and I'll have a play with it (I ain't no weblord). And if you like it, stick something in the fucking comments anyway, it's take take take with you bastards and I never get any positive feedback on these pages...

carapuchi says: (16:37:42)
hello how are you
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:38:14)
fine thanks, you?
carapuchi says: (16:40:26)
im fine thx babe
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:40:42)
busy day?
carapuchi says: (16:41:55)
not soooo
carapuchi says: (16:41:57)
so where are you from and how old are you baby
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:43:24)
i am from england and i am 32 and a quarter. What about you?
carapuchi says: (16:44:31)
im from uk warwick and im 23 :D
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:44:51)
a whippersnapper, eh
carapuchi says: (16:45:59)
waht do u mean
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:46:25)
young, compared to an old fart like me
carapuchi says: (16:47:47)
no its ok baby no worries :D
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:48:01)
so what do you do for a living then?
carapuchi says: (16:49:02)
i am a bikini model
carapuchi says: (16:49:04)
how about you
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:49:17)
me too! what are the odds!
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:49:42)
i would imagine that is rather seasonal work - how do you make ends meet the rest of the year?
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:49:47)
winter must be tough
carapuchi says: (16:50:38)
yeah
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:51:34)
Do you model for any famous companies then?
carapuchi says: (16:52:05)
not yet maybe soon .... when i got win the contest that i join :D
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:52:29)
which contest is that then?
carapuchi says: (16:53:07)
its a contest in new york bikini modeling
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:53:19)
how exciting.
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:53:21)
when is it?
carapuchi says: (16:53:46)
this comming feb 14
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:57:26)
how romanti
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:57:30)
romantic, even
carapuchi says: (16:58:03)
sexy romantic :D
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:58:34)
i cant imagine a bikini contest would be very romantic - quite competitive.
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (16:58:57)
My cousin was in one once, it was terrible - the stage was charged by a buffalo and one of the girls was trampled to death
carapuchi says: (16:59:25)
ohh thats sucks :(
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:01:01)
yes it was very traumatic. They had to club the buffalo to death using their shoes in the end.
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:01:08)
poor thing.
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:01:37)
I don't even know what a live buffalo was doing in the british museum, ridiculous
carapuchi says: (17:01:43)
yeah poor thing :(
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:01:46)
where is your bikini contest being held?
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:03:33)
is it near any buffalos?
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:03:36)
be careful baby
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:03:39)
they are big animals
carapuchi says: (17:03:40)
new york city
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:03:55)
yes you said - wondered what building it was in
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:04:00)
its not a zoo is it?
carapuchi says: (17:05:43)
no baby
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:05:54)
oh thank god.
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:06:12)
i think the world has seen enough bikini contests disrupted by animal savagery
carapuchi says: (17:06:28)
baby by the way can i ask you some little favor if its ok to you
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:06:35)
of course you can, sugar cheeks
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:07:13)
which part of warwick are you from, by the way? I am unfamiliar with the grammatical rules in that part of the world, they seem quite baffling at times!
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:07:53)
if your favour is to see a picture of me naked, I am afraid I only have those pictures on my work computer
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:08:06)
but pretty much anything else I will do for you
carapuchi says: (17:09:00)
can you give me a a vote on my pages using my own card info so i can be the top model for the month of january
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:09:21)
isn't that cheating?
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:09:37)
i mean, if i am voting for you because i know you and we are friends?
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:10:24)
i dont mind though. I just believe that if we can't rely on the integrity of a bikini contest, then all that we know to be good and pure in the world may be under threat
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:10:28)
no matter.
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:11:38)
what do you need me to do?
carapuchi says: (17:12:05)
no baby its not
carapuchi says: (17:12:09)
dont worry ok
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:12:17)
i'm not going to jail? you promise?
carapuchi says: (17:13:09)
yeah no worriess just lsiten to me and follow my guide ok
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:14:31)
hmm. okay. But do you cross your heart and hope to die? Stick a needle in your eye? (if you type yes then i will accept your answer on this and we can proceed)
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:15:01)
just type yes
carapuchi says: (17:15:14)
YEAH YES
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:15:17)
and then i need you to do one favour for me before we start!
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:15:35)
will yousing a song for me
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:16:18)
please?
carapuchi says: (17:16:25)
wah do u mean sogn
carapuchi says: (17:16:27)
song
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:16:30)
i'll take your word that you are singing, you just have to sing the lines as i type them
carapuchi says: (17:17:06)
ok
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:17:08)
yes, a song!
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:17:24)
ok, it will only be a few lines, but I will type them
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:17:28)
then you can type them as you sing them
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:17:40)
after the first verse and the chorus, i will do your bidding!
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:17:41)
deal?
carapuchi says: (17:17:52)
ok
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:18:12)
It's 'end of the road' by Boyz To Men.
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:18:15)
It means a lot to me.
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:18:39)
Girl you know we belong together, I don't have time for you to be playing with my heart like this
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:18:52)
You'll be mine forever baby, you just wait
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:19:25)
We belong together and you know that I am right why do you play with my heart why do you play with my mind?
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:19:47)
Daid we'd be forever said it'd never die, how could you love me and leave me and never say goodbye
carapuchi says: (17:19:57)
cool
Girl you now we beolng together, I don't have time for you to playiwith my heart like this oull be mine forever baby you just wait We belong together and you knwo that I am right why do you play with my hert why do you play with mymind?
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:20:10)
When I can't sleep at night without holding you tight girl,. each time I just break down and cry
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:20:27)
Pain in my head oh i'd rather be dead, spinning around and around
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:20:43)
(here comes the choruse - are you singing?)
carapuchi says: (17:20:54)
yeah i am baby
When I can't sleep at nihgt without holding you tight girl,. each time I just break down and crypain in my head oh id rather be dead, spining around and aound
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:21:57)
Although we've come to the end of the road, still i can't let go. It's unnatural (its unnatural) you belong to me, i belong to you
carapuchi says: (17:22:13)
is that your fav. song?
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:22:15)
(you type that bit out while I harmonise at this end, and we are done!)
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:22:20)
yes it is!
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:22:32)
just type out the 'although we've come' bit and i'll be happy
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:22:40)
and then i will vote for you!
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:23:17)
please?
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:25:03)
hello? we need to hurry cos I'm going in a minute! sing my song and tell me how we make you win the bikini contest!
carapuchi says: (17:25:18)
Although we've come to the end of the road, still i cant let go. It's unnatural its unnatral you belong to me, i blong to you
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:25:23)
wow, thank you
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:25:27)
i bet it was beautiful
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:25:33)
i sang it at my mother's funeral
carapuchi says: (17:28:47)
so can i send the first pages to sign up
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:29:07)
oh please do baby, i am moist with anticipation of seeing you in your undercrackers
mikeos@paragon.co.uk says: (17:31:03)
sorry sugarplum, I have to run - but next time you see me online shout me and I promise I will vote for you, I ,may be online later! I love you!