Elena's bank code request: my response

As below, with big thanks to an un-named russian-speaking legend who will be helping me translate future efforts into russian if all goes well. Won't put your name on here in case things get ugly good sir, but you know who you are!

The russian bit in this email translates as "May they cut my dick into pieces and make coins of them." It's a 'would I tell a lie?' oath. ' Just so you all know. Anyway, here's where we are taking Elena for now - with the terrifying idea of me moving to russia instead...


Salutations Elena!

I am very sorry that I have been unable to respond to you for a little while. I have been very busy with many things, but please do not worry, my feelings for you grow stronger every day. As does my aftershave.

Did you enjoy barbequing your parents? It sounds like a really fun holiday, especially the banya. How often do russians have baths, traditionally? In my own tribute to your holiday, I ate a shish kebab on friday night myself, which made a nice change. I can see why you like them. Sometimes I like a badly-packed doner kebab too.

We don't celebrate the victory day in russia, but we do have some traditional english holidays. This week England has been celebrating the Battle of the Minge. It was a huge fight that took place in the 16th century between some disgruntled butchers and 10,000 men employed by the grand old Duke of York. It was up and down for a while, but the butchers eventually won in extra time.

This is a great shame that your friend cannot send money to russia! Why is this - I don;t quite understand what you mean? I would be happy to be the man in the middle - shall I give you my address so that your friend can post me me the cash - I will then put it into my account and transfer the funds to you? It would be fantastic if you can get your visa and come and see me. I want to shower your face with my love. And also other body parts.

I can;t wait to se you either - I feel you smell, your body, make the kissings of the french and generally get some SERIOUS lovin' on the go.

However, my beloved, it may be that we do not need to worry about your visa? I can work from anywhere in the world as I work inside a computer, so I can come and move to russia if you would be likings it? I have already began to learn russia and wanted to say something to you. I wish to communicate better with your tongue. So I am studying the beautiful Russian for the full flavour of your engorged lip flanges. Пусть мне хуй на пятаки порубают. That's what my Russian tutor suggested. How am I doing? He says you will be pleased with this statement - I hope that you are? Maybe best to write back in English for now though as I am only learning - but what do you think of my idea to come to russia and live with you there, instead of having you come to England and all this messing about with the money? Will save your mate a few quid too I reckon.

So, sweet stuff, you up for it or what?

I look forward to recieving an ejaculation from you soon!

May your flapsnot always be plentiful,

kisses,

Mikey Wikey
xxx

Elena: The money shot

not that kind of money shot you dirty bastards.

At last, the request comes for my bank account number - her email asking for it is below. I haven;t responded yet because, thanks to the wonderful help of an ex-colleague, I am concocting something that will really rather put the shits up our beloved Elena. As you can see from her mail I won;t be getting a response for a little while, so there's not quite such a rush on, but I thought I'd give you all something to chuckle at while my dastardly plan is hatched. Keep checking back, as I am becoming a page impressions junkie and like the feeling of power. And trust me, you'll like what we'll be doing with the silly tart next. Apologies for length etc.

Hello my sweet Michael!!!!! I am so sorry that i did not write you
letters since the 1 of may. We have great hollidays now since the 1 of
may till the 10 of may. They are a day of workers and the 9 of may it
is a victory day. We have now only 2 days of and now i could write you
a letter. We with parents went on barbecue to the nearest forest and
on wednesday we will go to our family friends' summer residence for
some days for shish kebab and russian bath (BANYA). We will have great
time as the weather is wonderful. Do you celebrate such hollidays?
Sweety do not lose me. I will be able to write you obly on monday on
the 12of may. I will miss you very much. I miss you even now when i
write you this letter. I am so happy to get your letter again.I am
constantly thinking about you. Michael I have got a letter from my
girlfriend. Unfortunatelly she can not send money to Russia. It is so
sad. Her bank do not allow transfer money to Russia. I do not have my
own bank account. My friend can not send money by Western union or
Moneygramm either. She does not have cash. And now she is in France as
she wrote me. So it is a problem to send me money. I do not know that
to do. But i know that i want to come to you. Very much. And i do not
want to lose you. I am happy that i found you. I have been thinking
about all that for a long time. I can ask you for help. I know that
you can help our meeting. NO, i will not ask YOU for money. My friend
can transfer her money to the bank account in your country. My friend
write me that she can transfer money to your bank account. Do you have
bank account? She said that it will be easy to do. She can help us
this way. I hope you can help me too to come to you. My friend will
senf money to your bank account then. Michael you can get cash money
after my friend send her money to your bank account. You can send me
money through Western union or Moneygramm then. As soon as I get the
money I will go the tourist agency and pay for the trip to you. I will
take tickets at once. And i will come to you. I think we can do it
very fast. Michael I wrote to my friend that you are a good man and
that she can trust you. As I really trust you my sweety. You can write
her a letter.Her name is Anna. Her e-mail is :
xxxxxx She will wait for your letter. I will wait
your letter too. I will be happy to get good news from you. I want to
come to you. I am sure you want the same. I do not want to lose you. I
am sure that we can solve all problems together. We must be together i
am sure it is our destany. I told my girlfriend that I found you. That
you are a good man. And you are the best. I see it. I feel it. I told
her that I love you and want to be together with you in real life. My
friend told me that she is very happy for me and that even envy my a
little.I am happy that I found such a man like you. You are very kind,
good and tender man! It is very difficult to find a good man in out
time. I could not even think that you exist till the time I met you.
Many women look for a prince. And me, I found you. You are my prince.
I was about to lose hope to meet such a man like you. And I am very
happy that I met you. Woman can not live without love. Woman is made
for love and to be loved. I want to be given flowers. I want to hear
tender words. Woman is like flower. She dies without love like flower
dies without water. My loved Michael, it is great that we met each
other in the internet. It is great that we can talk on such a long
distance between us. But through the internet we can not feel
intonations of the voice, can not see the face. I want to look into
your eyes when I talk to you. Feel you smell. I think it is
important.I am sure that it is better to talk in real life sitting
close to each other. For me soul and thoughts are very important. I
want you to be next to me. I want to look into your eyes and kiss you.
I imagine that you want to kiss me. I can say that I am falling in
live with you. My sweet Michael i hope this will happen soon after our
meeting. We will be able to visit different places, or we will stay at
home and watch film or we will spent all our nights together doing
love. I love sex with beloved man. I like to do it often. But now i
can only dream about it. I am lonely and have long lonely evenings
now. I am sad that i have no close man with me who could give me a
kiss and embraces. My honey Michael you are my man I feel it. I open
to you my soul in letters. And i see that you are good man. I hope
that our dreams will come true. And soon we will be together.Kisses
and hungs. I will wait for you letter.

With love
Yours Elena

P.S. My pics were taken in my sity in its subburbs.Like it?

Elena gets 'em out for the lads

Yes Elena, I'd love to accept a phone call from you sometime soon. Or, er, not. Still, gotta admire her persistence.

Hello my honey Michael!!!!! How are you? Thank you for your letter. It is very pleasant for me to read your letters. They make me happy. Michael I read them and think about you. It wouldl be wonderful to be together at this very moment and embrace you.It is sad that you are not with me now. I see you in my dream. Sweety nobody read your e-mail besides me. i just tell my parents about you. i cant understand what do you mean Unfertilised eggs??? Michael I wrote a letter to my girlfriend. I wrote that i want to arrive to th UK. I wrote that you are a good man. I want to come to you very much as soon as possible. I will wait for the answer of my friend. She will help me to come to the UK. She will write me how she will send me money. I will look forward for her letter. I will write you a letter as soon as i get her letter. My friend promised me a good job and a good selary if i want. We will not be in need of money.My friend can give you a job too if you want. She work in the sphere of computer security.

I want someone who will never leave my side.

I want someone who will say "I love you" and mean it.

I want someone who will watch a Friday night movie with me.

I want someone who will put me in a happy mood when I'm in a bad one.

I want someone who will hold me when I'm scared.

I want someone who will give me there jacket when I'm cold.

I want.........you

Sweety i really so happy that we met each other in the internet. I hope that it is our destany. I like to read your letters as i learn you better and better. I see that you are a good and kind man. I see that i can rely on you. It is very important for woman to feel safety to feel care and love. I am sure that love is the most important thing in the world. Kisses, embraces are very important too but they are more pleasant when all is based on love. I think that sex is important too. It is one more way to express feelings. I like to have sex really. I hope you too. But i do not want to write much about sex in the letters. I think it is more pleasant to do it) I will tell all i like in sex when we will be alone in the room with candels. Do you agree? When i think about you I smile. I recollect what you write me in your letters and it becomes warm inside me. I will wait for your next letter. I will wait for a letter from my friend. I hope what we will be able to see each other soon in real time. It would be great.

I love you
Your Elena

P.S. i want to hear your voice. and you? do you want to hear my voice? we can talk by the phone. i want to try to call you the other days. i have a phone but i cannot call by my own business as it was given to be at work. i also cannot make international calls. write me please you phone number. i will try to call you from my aunt.i hope i will not have any troubles with it. will you wait for my call? i am so it is excited when i think that i can talk to you honey.




Sweetikins!

Wonderful to hear from you. No, really.

I am not worryings over other peoplings reading my emailings, just interested, innit. I promise I not show your emailings to ANYONE else. This wonderful beautiful secret in the internet love is all of mine own!!

Forget about the unfertilised eggs bit. It's an english way of cooking them. Like over-easy. I'll explain it some other time.

Fantastic news about your friend. I would be very interested in a highly paid job in the field of computer security. It sound ideal. Will it not be a problem that I have no qualifications whatsoever in this rather niche area, or that you have trained as a bookkeeper? Your friend must be running quite a successful business to be able to afford to hire a pair of twunts like us.

Yeah, definitely right up for all that loving and coat sharing and movies and stuff. I see you like sex. This is good. I do think it is important that a man and a woman can get it on like rutting animals as and when the whim takes them. Even if it does mean getting thrown out of tesco's. Happened to me twice. Don’t be shy, tell me what you like and how you like it. And which orifices you want what in. I have a carrot I've been sharpening, actually. Might be handy.

Smashing photograph, would love to see more. Where was it taken? The skyline is particularly, um, striking. Only disappointings is the lack of nipplings. Go on - get involved. Ut your hands in the air like you just don't care.

I can’t talk on the phone at the moment, I do not have a mobile telelelephephone only my work number. And I'm on a final warning for masturbating in the office so best leave that for now, eh.

I might be visiting Europe soon actually! I have an uncle Josef in Austria, but he is in a bit of trouble at the moment. Something to do with not having planning permission for his cellar extension or something. Lots of people have rather overreacted, simply because he sublet to someone who wasn't on the electoral roll. Honestly, some people are such jobsworths. Anyway, he wants me to dispose of a few things, tie up a few loose ends. Can’t really go into detail really. Is it easy to buy cans of petrol on the continent, by the way? And shovels?

When will you hear back from your girlfriend about your visa? I am full of anticipation! Perhaps the three of us could hook up when you make it over. That would be wild!

Once again, happy ejaculating!

Mikey Wikey
Xxx