As below, with big thanks to an un-named russian-speaking legend who will be helping me translate future efforts into russian if all goes well. Won't put your name on here in case things get ugly good sir, but you know who you are!
The russian bit in this email translates as "May they cut my dick into pieces and make coins of them." It's a 'would I tell a lie?' oath. ' Just so you all know. Anyway, here's where we are taking Elena for now - with the terrifying idea of me moving to russia instead...
Salutations Elena!
I am very sorry that I have been unable to respond to you for a little while. I have been very busy with many things, but please do not worry, my feelings for you grow stronger every day. As does my aftershave.
Did you enjoy barbequing your parents? It sounds like a really fun holiday, especially the banya. How often do russians have baths, traditionally? In my own tribute to your holiday, I ate a shish kebab on friday night myself, which made a nice change. I can see why you like them. Sometimes I like a badly-packed doner kebab too.
We don't celebrate the victory day in russia, but we do have some traditional english holidays. This week England has been celebrating the Battle of the Minge. It was a huge fight that took place in the 16th century between some disgruntled butchers and 10,000 men employed by the grand old Duke of York. It was up and down for a while, but the butchers eventually won in extra time.
This is a great shame that your friend cannot send money to russia! Why is this - I don;t quite understand what you mean? I would be happy to be the man in the middle - shall I give you my address so that your friend can post me me the cash - I will then put it into my account and transfer the funds to you? It would be fantastic if you can get your visa and come and see me. I want to shower your face with my love. And also other body parts.
I can;t wait to se you either - I feel you smell, your body, make the kissings of the french and generally get some SERIOUS lovin' on the go.
However, my beloved, it may be that we do not need to worry about your visa? I can work from anywhere in the world as I work inside a computer, so I can come and move to russia if you would be likings it? I have already began to learn russia and wanted to say something to you. I wish to communicate better with your tongue. So I am studying the beautiful Russian for the full flavour of your engorged lip flanges. Пусть мне хуй на пятаки порубают. That's what my Russian tutor suggested. How am I doing? He says you will be pleased with this statement - I hope that you are? Maybe best to write back in English for now though as I am only learning - but what do you think of my idea to come to russia and live with you there, instead of having you come to England and all this messing about with the money? Will save your mate a few quid too I reckon.
So, sweet stuff, you up for it or what?
I look forward to recieving an ejaculation from you soon!
May your flapsnot always be plentiful,
kisses,
Mikey Wikey
xxx
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