Kimberly cocking Clark toilet roll dispensers

Which absolute FUCKNUGGET at Kimberley Clark has decided that the way forward for toilet roll dispensation is those single-sheet things?

I do not do dainty poos. I therefore require SUFFICIENT TOILET ROLL QUANTITIES TO WIPE MY FUCKNG BOTTOM YOU MORONS. Giving me loo roll one sheet at a time means that not only do I run the risk of RSI from sitting there for thirty minutes accumulating enough material for a preliminary wipe, but also ensures that I use approximately nine times my body weight in loo roll. And we're supposed to be saving the planet, aren't we?

Presumably, Kimberly Clark HQ and factories will also be fitted with these dispensers, so heaven only knows what kind of torrid state the bottoms of the nation's Kimberly Clark workforce is in.

The upshot of all this is that I was forced to endure a deeply distressign poo at a Beefeater somewhere between Brighton and Bournemouth. I will be writing to Kimberley Clark to appreciate my dissatisfaction at the fact it took me a good fifteen minutes of wiping to get rid of all the men in the rigging. However, in keeping with their company policy, I will post them the letter ONE WORD AT A FUCKING TIME FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS.

Shit-wiping mother fuckers.