I've fucking had it with you you multi-buttoned little shit. Having forked out the GDP of Africa in order to buy a telly big enough to be visible from space (don't write in if yours is bigger, I will only hunt you down and kick your children) I EXPECT THE REMOTE CONTROL TO FUCKING WORK. ALL THE TIME. Not just on those rare moments when the planets align in just the right manner to cause total equilibrium in the air between the remote control and the telly.
The red light blinks away impotently on the remote, telling me SOMETHING is happening, but does it actually have ANY effect on the telly itself? Does it bollocks. It's no good having buttons I don't even UNDERSTAND if you won't even change bastard channel. Picture in picture? ANY KIND OF FUCKING PICTURE WOULD BE A START. The fact that sometimes you hijack the Virgin box is even more terrifying/annoying, especially as that remote control is also a bit dodgy. Fuck knows what is going on when I press your buttons becausae the telly isn';t responding at all. Some old dear at the end of the street might find her mobility buggy doing wheelspins in the dining room for all I know, or perhaps you're firing up the woman next door's love eggs - I don't know and I don't cocking well care. I WANT TO WATCH SKY SPORTS WITHOUT GETTING OUT OF MY SEAT. IT'S NOT MUCH TO ASK.
And why the fucking hell don't you have a mute button, you cunt? Not that it would work anyway, admittedly, but when my mum phones and I don't want her to hear the lesbian porno I've been whacking off to for the previous hour, it would be VERY FUCKING NICE OF YOU to let me turn the sound off instantly, instead of having to frantically thumb through the volume control when I've already got the phone in one hand and a tissue in the other. The fading sound is confusing as well, it sounds like someone having an orgasm in a passing car.
Hyundai should stick to cars, but they're shit at them too. Had one on holiday once, a Hyundai Fuckwit or something it was called. Couldn't do hills, but was no less effective at changing channels on my telly than one of their cunty remote controls.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment