Emails that try to take advantage of the vulnerable. Or stupid.

I got a spam email today, that is clearly trying to lure me in to part with my account code details. It is from a Russian woman looking for love apparent.y My hairy fucking arsehole she is. I've written back though. Here's her email to me, and mine to her. Enjoy. Replies will be posted here; let's just see how much of this silly twunt's time I can waste...

Hi My friend!,
I saw yours account and e-mail on a site of acquaintances. I have remembered this site Dating. I have thought and made up my mind to write a letter to you. I am looking for a good man. Probably it is impossible, but I look for love in the Internet.
I ask you to understood me. I think that may be you and I can create big and fair relations. I wanna get acquainted with you closer. I wish to arrive to the United Kingdom soon.

Some words about me. I am a Russian woman. My motherland is Russia. My city is StPetersburg. I hope you do not think about Russian women badly. I know that many bad people create bad impression of Russian women. I want to say at once that I shall not ask you for money. I wish to find love only. And probably big happiness.
Why do I search for the man in your country? My best girlfriend lives in the United Kingdom. She has married English man. They are very happy together. Such happens!
My girlfriend advised me to search for the man in Great Britain United Kingdom. She is assured that I can find a good man. I agree. Everything is possible in our world! I am sure that I can find a good and fair man in the UK.

I can arrive to the UK at any time. As soon as I want. I have a visa and the sanction to entry to the UK. I can arrive to Great Britain at any time. My girlfriend will give me money for my trip in the UK. She will pay my trip and charges. We are friends for a very long time. We always helped each other. And my girlfriend wishes to help me to arrive to the UK. I can arrive to the man who will want to create love with me. May be it is you?
My girlfriend explained to me, that I should not worry about money. She can provide me with all. Also in the future she can give me good work with the big salary. If I wish to stay in United Kingdom. And if I find a good man.

I want true and serious relations. I do not understand and I do not want to play games. I shall be happy to learn you as better as it is possible and i am ready to start to create serious relations. We can try only for the beginning. We can try to create love and happiness. I think that there are no distances and barrier for love. Only people make miracles. May be me and you will create a miracle which will be called LOVE. Do you agree with me?
I shall be glad to arrive to UK and create big feelings with you. I trust in love and in good people. I think that you are a good person.

I will wait for your answer. I will tell you about myself as it is possible more in detail in the following letters. Write to me. Your letter will do me the happiest woman. I shall wait for your letter. Promise to answer.
I wrote you this letter from common e-mail in the Internet-cafe. Write me the answer to my personal e-mail.

It is my personal e-mail:
XXXXXX (removed so none of you buggers fucks it up for me - this is love, after all)

I wait for your answer. I hope that you understand me. I want the only thing. To be happy!!!

Yours friend Elena.


Dearest Elena,

Many thanks for your wonderful emailings of today. I do not know which dating site you saw me on, as I belong to many, but I have yet to find the person with whom I can undertake serious relations. some of the internet sites I have used have been very poor at finding people who want serious attitudes from their loved ones, and just want to do naughty instead of talking and enjoying the company of the other like you seem to want to do.

I too have looked for love in the internet, but google returns many matches and it is tough to know where to begin. Just so you know, the worst websites I found for love were www.fuckbuddies.com, www.ticklemytitsandcallmebrenda.co.uk and www.girlswholikealsationlove.net - they are full of bad people and a wonderful lady like you should avoid them. They are mainly full of adult doings that does not look like love to me.

What is St Petersberg like? I see that is where you live. I live in Bournemouth. It is a lovely English town that was invented in 1976 by accident, but it is lots of fun. There are pubs and nightclubs and even a bouncy castle in the summer. I like it here a lot, the only thing that saddens my heavy heart and makes me weary is that I cannot find the woman of my dreams here. Perhaps it could be you?

Where does your friend live? I hope it is nearby, because then perhaps we could meet each other when you have visitations to this island. Or can you only come when you have found your husband? Your girlfriend sounds very nice, if she will give you a good job and pay for your ticket and charges. What is going on there exactly, all above board I hope? I have had burnings of my fingers before in such matters of lady love.

I like very much your promisations of big feelings and I am glad that you think I am a good people. I hope this letter makes you do the happiest woman, as you requested, though I am not sure how good a thing this would be.

It would make me most happiest man in Bournemouth (apart from Gordon) if you will reply to this email for I too yearn for the right lady in my life. I have many needs for her - I wish to show her love, happiness and respect. Also some ironing that has built up of late. Perhaps you could send me a picture of you and some more talkings of yourself? I would be happy to send you phtographings of me as well if you would like this.

Yours friend,

Michael