The hitman replies. Twice.

Oops, this scam relies on me appearing scared, so I mustn't forget to check my mails again. He's actually mailed me twice, and my reply to his second email is at the bottom. Needless to say, I've hardly slept over the past 48 hours from the sheer terror of it all. Apologies for the capitals, but I can't be arsed to retype it all and besides, I think only LOTS of capital letters can convey the gravity of the situation.

YOU WELL COME

AS IT MAY BE RIGHT NOW I AM IN TOWN WITH MY MEN FOR THE DATED ASSIGNMENT AS
PLAND SO ALL THAT IM DEMANDING FROM YOU AS I HAVE OPENED UP TO YOU IS JUST
$12000 DOLLARS AND YOU WILL BE FREE FROM THIS MESS BECAUSE I AM HERE TO
ELIMINATE YOU ALONG WITH YOUR FAMILY.LISTEN AND LISTEN CAREFULLY,YOU WILL
FIRST OF ALL PAY $4000 DOLLARS TO THE NAME BELOW .TO AVOID ANY REGRETS JUST
ACT AS DIRECTED .....THEN PAY THE RESTAFTER THE FIRST PAYMENT.THEN I WILL
SEND TO YOU THE PICS AS PROMISE SO THAT YOU WILL KNOW WERE YOU PROBLEM IS
COMING FROM.FINALLY I HAVE A TAPE THAT WILL INTREST YOU SO MUCH .

PAY THE MONEY TO MY BOY AS SOON AS HE CONFIRMS THE PAYMENT I WILL DO THE
NEEDFULL.FORWARD THE PAYMENT SLIP TO ME AFTER SENDING THE MONEY .


Name:XXXXXXXXX
City:Cotonou
Country/Benin Republic
Amount:$4000dollars
Senders Name...................................
MTCN Refrence Number............................................

PAY THROUGH MONEY GRAM,RIGHT NOW AND BE FAST ABOUT IT.

Mr Nnaeke Olando

Then the second mail the next day:

This is to informed you that your life is going to end if you don't comply with me that i was paid to eliminate you and I have to do that within 10days Meanwhile, I have sent my boys to track you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation, but I ordered them to stop for a while and not to strike immediately because I just felt something good and sympathetic about you.If you are not ready for my help, then I will have no choice but to carry on the assignment I have already being paid get back to me immediately your recieve this mail


And finally, my latest response:

Ooh, sorry about that, I've been busy.

I really am rather worried by all this, you know. I've been racking my brains trying to figure out what it could be that has prompted this threat on my life. Is it anything to do with that library fine? Or the video I sent back to Blockbusters without saying anything even though my machine chewed it up? I think it was The Goonies. I just respooled it and popped it through the letterbox, then ran like fury. Not been back since, but I didn't realise they would go to such extremes.

Also, I know I'm not supposed to be out after 7pm, but is it okay if I put the bin out in twenty minutes or so? I had haddock for dinner and it's really starting to hum in there, would be much happier if I could get rid if it and stick it in the outside bin.

Now, to the rather unsavoury topic of money. You want $12,000 if I understand correctly? I don't have that kind of money available immediately you know. Would it be possible to get a few days grace to scrape together the cash? I need to juggle a few credit card accounts around, sell one of my kidneys, perhaps get a paper round in the mornings. Or could I offer you payment in kind? I'm no hitman, but I am a qualified proof reader and marketer - I'm sure I could make your emails really stand out from the crowd and get your key selling points and call to action over quickly and efficiently, whilst helping you to develop a unique style and tone of voice that sets you apart from the rest of the market.

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself here. What's the next step?

Yours in fear,

Mike