From: Mr. Adada Adada
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
ReplyTo: xxxxxx
Subject: Re: Charity Request.
Sent: 8 Jul 2010 11:39
Hello Friend,
I am Mr. Adada an Oil merchant in Iraq; i have been diagnosed with esophageal cancer.
It has defied all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts, just recently my doctor inform me i have a few weeks to live due to the esophageal cancer. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of fifteen million dollars $15, 000, 000,00 that I have with a finance/Security Company abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatched it to charity organizations. I!
t may interest you to know that i
I have set aside 10% for you and for your time.
God be with you.
Mr. Adada
My reply:
Hello, FRIEND!
Dear Mr Adadadadadada Dadadadadada (is there a tune for that, by the way?)
I was utterly amazed and delighted to find you nestling deep within my box this morning. Obviously, bad old news about the cancer. boohoo and all that. Still, onwards and upwards, eh old chap? Must say it is terribly good of you to be thinking of me (and the charities) at this difficult stage for you. Throat cancer is a real pain in the neck.
I am a similarly charitable soul to yourself, and have always tried to live a pious life (preferably steak and ale or chicken and mushroom). I wouldn't worry about the fact that you have been an evil tyrant most of your life - the great thing about God is that as long as you are really sorry about all the prostitutes and killings and whatever, he'll still let you in at the last minute.
Given that you want to give alms to charity and are based in Iraq, I have toyed with the idea of creating a charitable foundation on your behalf to oversee these wishes. However, I have already made a number of phone calls and the response I got to my suggestions of a new charity entitled Let's Send Alms to Iraq was given very short shrift by everyone between A and C in the Yellow Pages. Thank goodness for my 100 free minutes on my mobile contract, eh?
Anyhow, to business. I would like to accept your offer and would love to accept delivery of the full amount ($15,000,000) via Western Union transfer. They have a branch in my local high street so it probably seems easiest that way.
The specific charities I would like to support with your most generous donation are:
Scooby doo-ings
This is a charity that re-homes sexually traumatised animals that have been subjected to vicious sodomy, rendering them unwilling to work as guide dogs if their owner can get that easily confused after three pints of special brew.
Free Cambodian Women
I want to make all women in Cambodia free - a notion I am sure you would agree with. The idea is that instead of having to pay for them by the hour, or night, a central fund would be set up which enables tourists to just book whichever one they want for the evening without having to actually pay for it. This extra saving for the tourist could bring millions of extra visitors to the country, based on the freedom of women, and there would be substantial benefits in supporting industries such as the manufacture of rohypnol, neat vodka, and shallow graves - all of which will still be needed, fee or no fee!
The Louise Bennett Holiday fund.
Poor Louise Bennet was born with no eyes, limbs, ears or lungs. She can survive only by drinking yak's milk through her tear ducts, due to a crippling series of allergies that leave her intolerant of most everyday items including Marmite, Fairy Liquid, dust, oxygen and knicker elastic. I have met Louise on a number of occasions and she is a remarkable young woman. She can only communicate by banging her stumps against a tambourine in morse code, but she has expressed to me that her lifelong ambition is to perform an unaided skydive over the grand canyon in america. I would love to pay for her family and her to travel to america so that she can perform her unaided sky dive, and have been saving money to make it happen. On the plus side, we will probably need one less seat reservation on the return flight, so that will save the charity a few quid.
The summer cull
I live in a beautiful seaside resort in England where every year, the view on the beach is ruined by fat mingers in bikinis. It makes finding the real hotties a chore. This charity will provide a summer home for all the mingers, away from the area, where they will be happy to eat chips and watch Keremy Kyle safe in the knowledge that Greenpeace will not turn up while they sunbathe on the beach and try to roll them back into the sea.
Obviously, these are just a few of my own suggestions - I would love to hear from you about any charities that you would like to give money to, and look forward to your next email with moist anticipation.
Remember dude - it's all for charidee.
Cuddles and love,
Mr Biggles
