Margarita - the woman of my dreams

I'm lonely and still looking for that wife, now it would appear that my contract killer is bored of me. Maybe Margarita is that special someone?

Hello!

My name is Margarita! I am 29 years old.

I addressed in agency acquaintances. When I have specified, how I search for type of the man. Me have told to approach in 1 week. When I have again come to agency of acquaintances, to me have told yours email adress. I am a teacher and i like my work very much. I work with children and Now I have an opportunity to write to you I am an interesting, beautiful, kind and single young lady. I want to find my love, my half and want to marry him. I am looking for a man who will fall in love with me and I will fall in love with him. I have never been married but I dream about it. I am fond of children and I dream about a happy family with the beloved man. I am interested in music, cooking, reading, traveling and others. I know English very good and can easily speak!!

If you are interested in me please write me on my e-mail: vkusnyashka99@gmail.com

Please write me and I will send you my photos.

I wait for your letter very much.

Margarita.


My reply

Warmy runny greetings with a coating of phlegm, Margarita!

Me amazed to get email you from. Beautiful you are, such eyes! And two of them.

I am covered in my own happy juices that you have emailed me. It is not a surprise that you found me through an agency; I have been using agency girls for some time. Very discreet and always they will respond to suggestion. Like bringing coke. Or a street urchin that will not be missed.

You have such inner beauty that it makes my pancreas inflate with vigour. I long to hold you in my arms, so tight that there is no more breath in you. Like tiny sparrow until the wings stop beating then will be all mine in my pocket and no-one can take away not even carer.

I can see you know English good and speak easily. Me too, though I have a slight lisp and sometimes get my rs wrong. Also is good you like children. I love children too, I spend much time in children. It our secret.

I see you seek a man for marriage - what do you think is most important in husband? I seek many things in woman - must be kind of heart, noble of mind, quick of wit and fleet of foot. A lover, a friend, a mother, a companion. Also double jointed and blessed in the nork department. False teeth preferred.

I would be lovings to hear back from you, to see if we can meet and be as one some day as I am interested in a bride, and failing that a shufty at some more pics of you would not be a bad thing.

Love you in the face,

Mike

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Simon Platt

Right, I had another 'hurry up and pay me' email, which I responded to with the following - but then I took things in a much more entertaining direction...

My latest email - which features the same blurred scan of the western union form

Sorry man, been on holiday for a few days, which is why you didn't hear back from me. Though of course you probably know that, what with the 24 hour observation and all that.

Look, I don;t know what else I can do. The money is with Western Union - i have attached a scan of it AGAIN. If you can;t view it properly, let me know what the technical specifications of the machine you are using are - and try looking at it on more than one computer. The information is all there for you in black and white - it is not my fault that the equipment you are using is not good enough to view it.

I cannot raise any further funds at present, because I have none - and you should know all about that, seeing as you took the money from outside my house the other week - if you don;t have it, one of your mens is laughing at you and ripping you off.

PLEASE email me back and let me know that the western union scan has worked.

Mike

However, he's not playing with me enough. So I've introduced a new character to the game. Meet Simon Platt, who has just emailed our chump with the following introduction. I do hope they hit it off, I have grand plans for Simon.


You do not know me, my friend, but I know you. Or a little of you, at least. My name is Simon Platt (not my real name, but that is all you need to know right now).

Two weeks ago, I picked up a bag from outside a house in Southampton. Inside was £2,000 in cash and printouts of a series of emails between you and a Mike O'Sullivan. I am now in possession of this money, and have been watching O'Sullivan for some time to see if I can get more money out of him. However, it is clear from the emails that you have sent him and his responses that he is scared of you, and I believe that if we work together, he can make us both very rich. I know your scam, my friend - you have no mens here, you are trying to extort money from him over the internet. However, he is too stupid to figure this out. However, I can help you, seeing as you already hold a strong fear over him. I can be your mens here. I can pass on specific information about him - where he goes, what car he drives, I know where he went on holiday last week with his family, for example. By giving you real facts about the man, I think we can scare him into some more money. The £2,000 I have here is mine, I think. But any more money we can get from the man, I propose we split. I can either collect it for you, or he can transfer to you.

We can work this scam on others in the UK - it suits my needs for now, but in return for helping make you a rich man, I may need somewhere to stay when I leave the country, if things get too hot - someone in Africa with contacts to set me up out there if I need to leave town. What do you think? Does my business proposition interest you?

I hope it does, and as a gesture of goodwill, I will give you a little bit of information up front. He went to Portugal on holiday with his family - and his suitcases are a matching set, all red. Tell him you know this and it is guaranteed to scare him even further. Try it and let me know how you get on.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Image still won't download

Poor lad.

His latest mail
All that iam demanding from you now is the payment information you use in sending the money with the MTCN because the payment slip you send to me was not be able to download in computer and be very fast about it because there is know more time to delay

Oddly, the image 'won't download'

I love the fact that he is now charging me £1,997 by the way - the amount I calculated $4,000 as being in sterling, Anyway, he got back in touch:

His email
Iam waiting to receive the payment information again because the payment slip you send to me was not be able to download so all i want you to do now is to send me the information you use in sending the money with the MTCN and be very fast about it because there is know more time to delay any more you know that the time that was giving to you ended yesterday so what ever that your are doing about this issus you have to be very fast
waiting to receive the payment information you use in sending the money
Name:CHIDOZI LATIMO
City:Cotonou
Country/Benin Republic
Amount:£1,997
SendersName................
MTCN Refrence Number...........
paid through money gram or western union
Mr Nnaeke Olando

My response - with the same scan attached (scroll down to see it in the previous post if you've not seen it yet)

sorry, I have not been able to access my emails of late. Here is the scan again, from Western Union. I have rescanned it, and it works fine on my computer. If you are having problems downloading it, it must be something to do with your computer - are you using an internet cafe? If so, perhaps try going to a different cafe?

Mike

The money has been transferred to my killer

Sorry for the delay in updates here, been busy - but will post a few things today to fill you all in. After telling him that his 'mens' had stolen all my money, we have enjoyed the following exchange which has ended up with me sending him a blurred copy of a money transfer form I found on the net.

his email
I just want you to understand that my mens are my mens and know one has the rigth to do something on his own accept i told him to do and remember that your time is comeing to an end if you did,not wants to comply with me know that all the necessary arrangement for the dead assignment has be made remember that i was sign to eliminate you within 10days along with your farmily without contacting you that someone you call your friend wants you dead and he provided all necessary information deeded about you to me and my
mens and because for you unability to understand i have know option now than to carry out the eliminate assignment i was sign to eliminate within 10days,for your own good i will advise you to my last warning to you to send the money without any founder delaying
waiting to receive the payment slip
the information you will use to send the money giving to you again
Name:CHIDOZI LATIMO
City:Cotonou
Country/Benin Republic
Amount:£1,997
SendersName................
MTCN Refrence Number...........
pay through money gram now or western union
Mr Nnaeke Olando

my response
okay, I'm working on it - I have spoken to my parents and they are transferring some money to me now, I should be able to organise this tonight - I will email you with further details shortly. I do feel that your mens have already taken some money from you - be careful that they are not scamming you and playing you for a fool.

Mike

And then I followed it up with this
Here is a scan of the Western Union transfer - it should contain all the information you need to get the money.

Will you now please leave me alone?

My death moves nearer

apparently he's been watching my wife and children. which came as a shock to me, as I am single and have no children. (eligible females excited by this revelation can contact me via the comments section...) I'm especially impressed that for the first time he appears to be listening to what I am saying, and is letting me choose between dollars and pounds for my payment. Anyway, his latest missive and my reply below it:


for you own good and your family iam giveing you from now till friday to make the payment of $4,000 usd or pounds and if by the friday that i did,not recieve the money i have know option then to eliminate your children and after i might have eliminate your children then i will eliminate your wife and you come last remember that i was sign to eliminate you within10 days and I have to do it since you did,not wants to comply with me , last warning my mens are monitoring you, their eyes are on you, and even the place you think is safer for you to hide might not be.
For your own good I will advise you not to go out once it is 7pm until you pay the money to my boys and as soon as he confirms the payment i will do the needful.forward the payment slip to me after sending the money $4,000 US dollars or pounds
the information you will use to send the money
Name:CHDOZI LATIMO
City:Cotonou
Country/Benin Republic
Amount:$4000dollars or pounds
Senders Name...................................
MTCN Refrence Number............................................
pay through money gram now and be fast about it
Mr Nnaeke Olando

My reply:

Okay, okay, I have the money - thanks for letting me choose which currency to pay in though! You might have to do some work in the future on your negotiating - 4,000 dollars or pounds is a bit of a no-brainer for me if I'm honest with you, as $4,000 equates to £1,997 while £4,000 equates to £4,000 almost exactly.

So I'll be going for the former, and no I don't want to gamble and go for the caravan.

Now, to the practicalities. As you know, I cannot use Money Gram, but your mens know where I live. I will leave the money outside my house tonight, in a black puma rucksack. On the outside of the bag is a detailed and labelled diagram of a woman's labia, to help you identify that you have the right bag quickly. If possible, can you leave the rucksack behind as I use it for my football kit; it has decent sized pockets that are ideal for getting shinpads into and I can;t seem to find another one like it. I also use it on my visits to Southbourne's world famous squirrel range as it is ideal for keeping hats, pens, twix bars, small Greek men and vibrators in - the squirrels love that kind of thing! I'll put it to the left (well, right as you look at it) by the bins.The money will be inside in non-sequential, non-denominational, English pound notes bearing the face of the Dalai Llama, which makes them harder to trace.

There is another, minor issue. you mention that your men have been watching me and are threatening my wife - if you've only been watching me a few days then you should probably know that the woman you have seen me with isn;t actually my wife. She is away at her mothers after we had a minor disagreement about her discovering my collection of art pamphlets and films - I've got some classic stuff dating back years and she doesn't appreciate them really.

Anyway, the woman you would have seen entering and leaving my flat is, how shall I put this, a 'friend'. I'm sure you are a man of the world and don't need me to explain much more than that, but the sensitive issue is that she is married to my best mate and it really would be best for all concerned if we kept her out of this, as I'm sure you'd agree. Though if you were watching us the other night through the lounge window, I'm sure you would agree that killing someone with tits like that would be a truly tragic loss of life.

Getting the rest of the money is going to be a tricky one, but I'm working on that one. I might be able to organise something via Western Union if that would be amenable to your good self?

Anyway, the money will be in the hold-all outside the house tonight. I hope that this signal of my grandest intentions will be enough for you to call off the hit.

Warmest regards,

your imminent target,

Mike

A cold-blooded killer writes...

Jesus man, enough with the caps lock. Here's his latest replay:

WARNING AS IT MAY BE RIGHT NOW I AM IN TOWN WITH MY MENS FOR THE DATED ASSIGNMENT AS I TOLD YOU THAT SOMEONE YOU CALL YOU FRIEND PAID ME TO ELIMINATE YOU AND I HAVE TO DO THAT WITHIN 10DAYS AND AS IT IS RIGHT NOW I HAVE PROVIDED ALL THE NECESSARY INFORMATION NEEDED ABOUT YOU TO MY MENS FOR THE DATED ASSIGNMENT , FOR YOUR OWN GOOD I WILL ADVISE YOU TO COMPLY WITH ME IF YOU WANTS TO LIVE OR DIE AND FOR YOU INFORMATION IAM NOT ASKING YOU TO PAID THE MONEY AT ONES YOUR WILL FRIST PAID $4,000 THEN I WILL SEND THE TAPE OF THE PERSON THAT WANT YOU DEAD AND WHEN THE TAPE GETS TO YOU,YOU WILL PAY THE REMAINING $8,000. GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY YOUR RECIEVE THIS MAIL THERE IS KNOW TIME TO DELAY

And my reply to him:

Hi, thanks for your mail. Can I please ask a favour - stop using capital letters? I am a dyslexic, you see, and using capitals makes it rather inaccessible to me, it can take a while for me to decipher what it is you are saying.

Got a couple of problems at this end with your demands, but want to reassure you that I am very sincere in coming up with the money so please don't do anything rash - that would be great shame for all concerned I'm sure you'd agree.

Problem one, like I told you, is that I won;t be able to get the $4,000 to you too quickly as these things take some time. Also, I meant to ask this earlier - why do you want paying in dollars when I am in the UK? Will pounds be okay? And do you mean US dollars, or Ugandan dollars? I do have some vouchers that I could include in the deal if that will help us to reach the magic $4,000 mark. A friend of mine collects them - buy one get one free at loads of restaurants, tourist attractions and so on - you could take your entire hit squad to Thorpe Park for under a tenner, for example.

Problem two is that I am a born-again Rastafarian. This means I do not have a bank account. Or, indeed, ting. This would make transferring the money to you very difficult indeed - however, I would be happy to leave the money outside my house in a hold-all (you know where that is, of course) on a date convenient to you.

And one last thing I really need reassuring from you on. I can sense in your heart you are a good man - some hitmen are just misunderstood, I believe. So I beg of you, please don't hurt my children. They mean the world to me, and I've seen how these things work in the movies. If you think I'm not moving quick enough, you grab one of the kids and use them as leverage - so please, can we have a gentleman's agreement to keep the kids out of this? They are innocent of any crimes against Blockbuster Video, so they needn't suffer.

That said, I'm a realist, so if you're left with no alternative, I'd appreciate it if you could take the girl first. She's left-handed too, so if you have to send any fingers through the mail, use the right hand as it shouldn't affect her handwriting too badly.

Okay, that's it from me.

Best wishes,

Mike